im brokenhearted. And days after that fateful day, i found myself just caving in and spending time to myself with tears dripping in my pillow whenever i think of him. its so devastating if your partner walked out of you when you let him choose whether he wanted to trust me or not. worse, that was days before my birthday. and a few (hours, minutes, days... i dunno) moments after he walked out of me, he met someone and voila, they're an item already.
im thinking, if he was that fast to find replacement, i must have not been worthy for him. pardon me for these rantings since im in a grieving process. and besides, this is my own blog space. (no, im not apologizing, see im not even concerned with correct punctuation etc.)
i felt like i was a puppy dumped somewhere else when he found a cat (a better pet for some people) along the way. (what?!?) as of writing, im chatting with my colleague and he is just so kind to listen to me.
this morning when i woke up, i just found myself sipping coffee and google-ing "tips on how to move on after a break-up." There were sensible tips but in times like this, you would say easier said than done. but in retrospect, if you would really commit yourself to moving on, in time, you'll get by.
one tip - write whatver you are feeling. thus this blog. it helps, yes.
next, since i love music and movies, i listed downs suggestions of movies to watch and songs to listen to during a break up. makes sense. i have yet to rely on my (sometimes) reliable limewire.
others were, adopt a pet, devote time to volunteering since it diverts attention and it makes one feel good at the end of the day; eat comfort foods (just for this phase and not making it a staple for your life); make an effort to look good - exercise (i did yoga yesterday and it feels good actually) change wardrobe, haircut hair color and the best thing yet - go out with friends.
there were a couple of ploys that i am doing also just to cope with this stress (change is the worst/best stress). i wanted him to text me from to time so it wouldnt be difficult for me especially if he wants us to be friends. but it seems that he doesnt agree. maybe he is busy with his new flame now (hope he doesnt get burnt - yes, im bitter for now). but it hurts me too if i wish ill for him and his new life (with someone). so i dunno what to do.
but at the end of this all, when you get home, you will see a void in your own space especially if your partner had spent valuable time with you in your home. but that's life after a break-up.
and YES. i must face it. i know i have been to this kind of situation before and it's really comforting to know that ive hurdled it though painful and difficult it were. but its more painful to go on with mending a broken heart especially if you know in your heart that you've found the person that you've realized was the one that you wanna spend the rest of my life with. and it's more hurting if right in your face, he would say, that he doesnt see himself growing old with me anymore, and that he loves his new flame now and he wanted me to respect his decision to be happy now. so i dunno what went wrong where? i even told him that you might just be infatuated or vengeful or i dunno...
after all these realizations, the next line should be to grieve - deny, get hurt, anger, acceptance. and they are all part of the cliche spelled as M-O-V-I-N-G - O-N.
i wanna list down all the things that i wanna do from this point forward.
1. go to the gym regularly. (take advantage of the large amount of money devoted to this, shit!) meaning, get fit, lose flabs and toxins etc). i'll watch what i eat now. im actually enjoying my (pescan) vegetarian lifestyle so far.
2. smile everyday whenever you see sunrise or sunset. they are beautiful creations of my God. it's there to keep us hoping that there's always a bright tomorrow ahead of us.
3. be frugal. i've lived a very extravagant life and im suffering from it. keep a guard on your finances.
4. improve your crafts.
5. pursue hobby. i'll always bring my slr from now on... or whenever it's possible. (c'mon, i just wanna be realistic here.)
6. be true to the goal of buying the flat where i am right now.
7. keep an open communication line with your FEW trusted friends and of course your family. they will always be on your side whenever, whatever. trust me.
8. be open to the idea that you are bound to meet new people. (but please dont wear your heart and your woody on your sleeves... or your face er... your hands... whatever)(just your heart, maybe. hahaha) just enjoy their company)
9. as my colleague said, enjoy single life. yes i will! i'll try.... okay... I WILL.
10. go to church regularly. it helps me. really. pray always.
11. clean house regularly (i'll do it after posting this blog.)
12. arrange clothes in my closet.
13. draw out a financial plan.
14. be pro-active with my career.
15. post journals regularly.
16. read books!!!! please!!!! ive got lots of it but i dont devote time to read any of those.
17. affirm myself always whenever i do something good or extraordinary. or something that i thought i couldnt do.
18. try to avoid sweets now. please puuhlleeezzzz!!!!!
19. date? no.
19. (the previous 19 is not counted): try to go home to my province this summer. it's always good to reconnect with your roots.
20. be patient with sporting a long hair.
i guess that's it for now... i'll update this list as needed. to end this post, i wanna commit myself to move on, learn from the past and do well next time. it's time to walk on.
Hey amos! I have had a hard time recently myself concerning finding out that my most recent ex had moved on and so I can relate to what you are going through. And yes, I agree writing does help with moving on.
ReplyDeleteThe hardest thing for me was, once I'd gotten over the fact that he had someone else, was not contacting him. This was made a LOT harder whenever I found out that he was single again, and in one of my recent posts I mention that it was a temptation I could not resist yet have regretted since. Possibly.
A friend of mine gave me this advice; you are faced with two options:
1. Wait, give it time and eventually you will find someone else and the shit that you go through in the process will make you a stronger person for having survived it
2. Wait and see, perhaps there is a chance that in a while he might want to get back together with you. I'm not saying pin your hopes second option but I'm also going to say that it is a very real possibility, albeit a potentially unlikely one.
Unfortunately, both of these options have that dreadful word... "wait". I hate it, don't you!
Here's hoping things work out well for you!
Loves xoxo