from full monty to breakfast at tiffany's

after posting my entry yesterday, it felt good somehow. but once you are finished with something, the thought of the break-up comes rushing back in your mind again. so i hurriedly open my facebook and friendster (yup, old school) and tried to check on profiles of my friends' friends. but i easily get tired of it so iended up opening limewire (yup, sometimes im a pirate). sean cody and bel-ami are constant search keywords. i couldnt even let them finish downloading. i preview them whenever a large percentage of the files have been downloaded. and i did not mind the time at all. until a friend popped a message on facebook and we chatted till dinner time. i always love his presence even online coz he (cliche-ly) brings sunshine to my dark world. 

and we ended our chat by him saying: just savour the mourning right now and then MOVE ON! you shouldn't take forever to do that. you are a very beautiful person inside and out, a lot of gay guys and women as well are lining up just to hit on you much more have a meaningful romantic relationship with you; you are superbly great in bed and in conversations; you are a talented guy, quite getting famous now in the showbiz (i padded some of it but they are all true. lol, though i think tose words were too strong to describe me. hahaha or i am just having a very low self-esteem right now), so what are you waiting for??!!! 

I just said YES. I will. I guess this should be a mantra for people going through a very painful break-up.

so i cooked my dinner, ate it. yes, alone. (loser).

afterwards, i chanced to stare at my dvd collections. i havent really watched any of those. so i dusted it off and let my friend (who was still online at that time in facebook) choose what i will watch:

full monty, John Q, capote, ghandi, a walk in the clouds, breakfast at tiffany's, erin brokovich, cinema paradiso, a beautiful life, made of honor, justin timberlake concert, bridges of madison county, the client, jerry maguire and silence of the lambs.

a gay guy that i am, i chose full monty. lol. 

it was hilarious and i just love their accent. im quite keen to the australian or english accent or any european accent for that matter. but british tongue drives me really insane. :) hint hint! :) 

the group of friends in that was very desperate to find a job and earn money for their family. Desperate to the point of daring themselves to bare all. (if i could just  do that here. lol) i huess, they had me there since i am also desperate right now to move on. this break up thing is not doing me any good. ive been really sick. no one is taking care of me. i cant even have someone buy me meds or even run into the grocers and buy me stuff. that's one thing i miss in my previous relationship. and i should always remind myself that it's OVER, stupid! :)

ans of course they triumphed in the end with some hesitations before actually diving into the stripping. :) im hopeful that same thing will happen to me too(not the stripping of course). 

it was only 9pm and i feel like watching another movie. so, the gay guy that i am, i watched... tadan! breakfast at tiffany's. hahaha how gay.

first scene. i already fell in love with the movie. i did not have any idea that the song moonriver actually came from that movie. brilliant. it was the first movie of audrey hepburn that i watched. before, i would just wonder why a lot of women (and trannies too) like her to tears. now i know why. she was lovely, to say the least. but more lovely was george peppard (did i mentioned that i am gay). i love his eyes and the hair and the face and the body and the... no i dint find any nude photos of him in the net, silly.lol)

the movie for me was all about acceptance. for who you are and for what you have become. lulamae (holly golightly) was a very ambitious woman who dreams nothing but lavish lifestyle, comfort in life and of course jewels from the tiffany's.  but the power of love, in the end, has tamed her. well i guess, that's the most powerful gift that God has given us next to our lives. coz it transcends His own love for us in our connections with other people. and i guess, everyone would agree that if you lose a person, it doesn't mean that you also lose your capacity to love. as we grow wiser everyday, we increase our capacity to love more... freely.

actually, at around 11pm, i was sleepy already because of the jetlag which has been in for three days now (how lucky i am to come home from a long trip abroad and then dumped. ouch!). so i slept then awoke at around 130am from what i thought was a wet dream. i think grand canyon was inside my woody. so you know what happened in times likes this and you are alone. but it did not make me sleepy this time (what happened to the magic?) it was almost 3am. so i went down and finished the movie. hahaha.

after the movie, i hurried back to bed and conditioned myself to sleep. but right before i could doze off, i found myself crying again really hard... just allow me to mention the word "difficult" many times in this entry. i even tried calling my (okay this is thefirst time im saying this) "EX." to no avail.

i guess i really have to move on. but i need to have a decent sleep. any suggestions?